You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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