DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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