i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
