god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize