Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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