just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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