I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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