im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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