I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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