My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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