I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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