Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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