Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize