i think my mom watched the whole time
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize