whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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