i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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