Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize