Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize