You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You are the jesus of drinking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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