so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I touched a dick in church today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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