My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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