Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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