Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
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We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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