You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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