I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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