i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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