I cut my penus on the lid.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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