I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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