If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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