I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This baby is an asshole
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize