Did you just see the Batmobile???
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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