just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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