i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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