Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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