just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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