I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I supernannyed him into submission
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize