Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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