Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize