I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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