Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
fuck your aforementioned shoe
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Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
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I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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