Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
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I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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