Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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