man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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