i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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