I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize