textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize