I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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