what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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