Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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