I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize