So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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